We have a speciality here at L-E-Rs, and it isn’t un-smooth moves. You out there, however, have had a few blunders in the bedroom that have left bruises…physically and otherwise. Although these tales are always a delight to hear second-hand, actually experiencing a humiliating sexual encounter is not nearly as fun. We have heard a collection of humiliating experiences from our friends, co-workers and a variety of schmucks who were just trying to get lucky…but ended up looking foolish. These are our Top 5 Favorite Foolish Love Moves:

#1 – Sexy Player

After a hot first date, a co-worker claimed that the eh, “gentleman”, asked her if she wanted to “play sexy”. She was quite intrigued and wanted to indeed but later regretted her decision. Long story short, this classy Romeo lived out his personal fantasy of creating the mystique behind the ever-popular, ultra hygienic, super intimate, glory hole experience…via cardboard box…then asked to be photographed. Yep. Just to be clear, under no circumstance does “playing sexy” entail your genitals wearing a cardboard collar. Ever.

#2 – Dirty Daisy

Sometimes, with all the upkeep, it is very hard to be a girl. However, a real lady is always sure her downstairs business is up to scuff. Clean as a whistle, ya dig? Especially if this lady is having bathroom issues; especially if she is on a date. This advice was not heard by a friend of mine who found herself teetering on a fence between the temptation of his southbound traveling lips and a second (very necessary) trip to the restroom to, lets call it, clean her tracks. She chose the former and now will never know if he really had to go so soon or if she gave him a taste of the Dirty Daisy when he visited her lady garden.

#3 – The Touchdown

Have you ever had a romp that makes you feel like you just scored a game-winning touchdown? While we all can agree that this is an awesome accomplishment, what is not awesome is acting as though you are literally in the end zone celebrating your victory. After hooking up with a long-time crush, a friend recounted that the sexy session ended with “I wish I could give myself a high-five right now!,” followed by a fist pump like he would after his favorite team scored. Much to my dismay, this fantasy player is not solo in his self-appreciation. After a hookup one night, a second friend joined us in utter shock as the guy danced in circles, slapping his bare ass yelping “Yeah I did! Yeah I did!” as though it was Super Bowl Sunday.

#4 – The One Hand Luke

We’ve all been in the heat of the moment when you accidentally squeeze waaay too much lube in your hand and while not wanting to wipe the glob onto the bedding or on you partners body, you end up holding your hand out in an awkward gesture resembling an uncertain wave or a bad dance move. This is not sexy. What’s worse is when this wayward hand meets other targets deeming your room/cat/lamp a slipping hazard until further notice. Not at all sexy either but dang it, you don’t care because lube is fantastic and we couldn’t agree more.

#5 – Solo Job

Some of us have a preference as to why and how we choose to pleasure ourselves. I am all for this because here at L-E-Rs, we encourage sexual exploration and a healthy self image. However, like with any sport, one should always practice caution. My final short story is of a friend who was (and is still) dead set on using her preferred shower method no matter what. The shower in question was in our dorm, and though it was shared and non-private, she had her way with our bathtub faucet whenever it suited her. Until one day, after jipping class, I arrived home early to hear her groaning in the bathroom. I ignored this common occurrence until I realized that what I was hearing, this time, was pain. I burst in the bathroom to find my nude roomie twisted like a pretzel crying with a dislocated shoulder.

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